It's gotta go..

I think anyone who's even casually visited this blog knows that I think comics are awesome.
The thing is though, sometimes they are not.


All-Star Batman & Robin, The Boy Wonder #9
This comic used to just be horrible.


Now, it's utterly reprehensible.
If you haven't read it, and don't know what's going on there, that's "the goddamn" Batman (TGB) beating the shit out of Robin.
Robin (whom I don't mind reminding you and Frank Miller) is a 12 year old little boy.
It was one thing when they were just having TGB be a jerk to Robin and a total asshole to everyone else, but this really crosses a line.
Between this and what Frank Miller thinks passes for gender relations (the scenes between Wonder Woman and the male JLA-ers, TGB and Black Canary's make-out session, etc.) this comic is an abomination and a blight on the comics industry.
This issue really makes me wish Curt and I had followed through on our plans to find Frank Miller at Comic-Con and punch him in the face.
It would have also been nice to have called him a "little snot" while doing it.

I apologize in advance..

If you're like me, seeing stupid people twist in the wind, then crash and burn, is really painful to watch.
Having said that, this is really, really painful.

I continue to be angry with rage!

This just in!
Bush to scientific progress, "Go fuck yourself."

My thanks (?) to April for bringing this one to my attention.

I'm literally angry with rage.

Bush to Earth and all it's inhabitants, "Go fuck yourself."

I've stepped away from it.

So if you look over to your right, you'll see (via the "Right now..") that I finally got to read the new All Star Batman & Robin.

You know, the one that took over a year to come out.

It's as though the longer this book takes to come out the worse it is.

If you haven't read it already, feel free to check out this 5 page preview of one of the worst comics ever.

It seems that however good All Star Superman is, ASB&R has to be the exact same amount in awful to keep the universe balanced.

Remember that this "All Star" line was supposed to be the comics that distilled the characters down to their most recognizable essences. This line is supposed to be the stories you can give to anyone, your mom, your dad, your grandparents, your nephews and nieces, your friends, your friend's little brother, your boy or girlfriend. The stories anyone can pick up and enjoy.

Now, call me crazy, but I don't think a comic that features Wonder Woman calling someone a "sperm bank" (no joke) is something I'd want to share with anyone, let alone people who I want to introduce to comics.

The ISB has a great review focusing on the absurd hilarity of it's awfulness, while Rachelle has a running commentary that softens some of the blow of reading the actual comic.

Is this whole thing some kind of sick joke that Frank Miller's playing on us, or has he honestly gone batshit (ha) insane? I could completely appreciate this if I knew it was intentionally being funny. I would be upset that Miller was hurting the All Star line for a joke, but I could at least feel like it was okay that I was laughing at this comic that Jim Lee and DC are wasting their time on.

If I don't get some answers here, Curt and I have every intention of getting answers in San Diego.

Better than I was before..

This is cheesy and goofy and lame and cute and sweet all at the same time.
What can I say, I'll use any excuse to post footage from the Superman movies.

Also, seriously people, today is the last day to vote for my team (Awesome As Hell) over at the big Fist-A-Cuffs battle so please make it happen!

You know what?
While I'm throwing video code around, I might as well put this one up too.

That's for real.
Seriously.
Who says the 90s weren't fun?
Did I say "fun"? I meant, unbearably awful.
Can you believe this was trying to pass for a decent comic/superhero cartoon at the same time Batman : The Animated Series was on the air?
Stan Lee must have been spinning in his grave.
What's that?
Oh, I've just been told Stan Lee's not dead.
Good for him.

If you wanna do it, do it right..

Let's talk about Black Panther.
The Reginald Hudlin-New Marvel's Trying Too Hard To Make Him Important By Constantly Shoving His Total Badass-ness Down Our Throats-Black Panther as featured in Marvel Comics' Black Panther Volume 4 Number 24.
(This "down our throats" strategy is also working out great for DC with Supergirl, btw.)
I hate this comic, and I hate how it makes me hate Black Panther.


Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence, Carlton. Now do that stupid dance.
You can have him be a "badass" without writing every other character he runs into like a sycophantic fanboy/girl.

You know what else this comic taught me about Black Panther?

GROSS!
So he's into old ladies (Storm's grandma in this instance) and dirty underpants?
So what does he do with dirty underpants?


Oh.

But it's just girl's underpants, at least... right?


Wow.
So he's using his incredible flexibility and agility to flip face first into Captain America's ass?

Bravo, Marvel. That's certainly a more surprising character revelation than the phony affair with Photon you tried to fake us out with in this issue.